England prevents ship unloading suspect cargo at Swansea. Worldwide opprobrium, and an extra try!

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    7th June 2010


    DATE: Some time in the not-too-distant future

    (PLEASE NOTE: Any similarities to any organisation, defunct or otherwise is purely imaginary. Nor is any insult intended to the Welsh people or nation. They are amongst the gentlest, kindest people in the British Isles. Apart from that, half my family are Welsh, and they’re all wonderful. Honest!)

    Since the regime politicised rugby team now running Wales still refuses to desist from launching missile attacks into England, because of that try the English should never have had, the English government has taken to ensuring that ALL cargo ships heading for the Welsh mainland are searched, international waters or not, and then diverted to Bristol.

    Local political activists of the PC brand, including the WRU, the nationalist Plaid Cymru and the Liberal Democrats (the latter now surgically removed from their once allies the Conservatives) bitterly complain that the poor subjugated Welsh people are starving as a result of this sport-inspired embargo.


    *Dai ap-for-Wales, the spokesman of the “Wales is a nuclear bomb free zone, remember” pressure group said,

    “Now, fair play! Right? England is an evil power.  Right? The opprobrium of the entire world is on its head after this latest incident where they boarded an Irish peace-and-supplies ship packed with new rugby kit and food and stuff off Milford Haven with the resulting carnage – no, mun, massacre of the troof. What’s more all our kit was lost overboard!”


    Dai ap-‘Ard continued,

    “It’s all Labour’s fault, especially that Blair man. If they hadn’t allowed  devolution in the first place we’d have struggled along nicely thank you just hating England at rugby internationals. Instead, what have we got? I mean, it’s not as though there wasn’t an example for this kind of democratic deficiency.  Look what happened in the long-forgotten Israel and Gaza conflict when Hamas played its part in the democratic mix after they’d taken over from the other team illegally.”

    “If they hadn’t given us devolution…”, Mr Dai-‘Ard paused to re-consider his words, then continued, “We, er, we’d have scored another try, wouldn’t we?

    The way to keep the enemy down. Lie (on them)


    Mr Dai ap-‘ard-for-Wales rambled on,

    “It’s not as though we are against England’s existence. As long as they don’t expect us to be grateful for their protection in times of (spit) war and such.  And as long as they don’t keep beating us at rugby.  But all is not lost. We have now strengthened our ties to our brothers in the north, usually a good idea. It was unfortunate that the hyste … historically great Scot didn’t succeed in getting that Tony Blair fella into court over that other “illegal” game, even though we threw in a little more of the taxpayers’ cash to help the cause.  We’d have sunk Britain then as well as Blair, as Salmond wanted.  But, still, Great Scot’s leftovers successors are also fighting against English imperialism, good men they are. When’s the match on at the Millennium Stadium, by the way?”

    Click to visit Alamy images


    Mr Dai ap-‘ard-Again-for-Wales then wandered off into the bleak unknown, starving but stoically clutching to his portly frame a carton of *larver bread and a bag of *Welsh cakes.

    “Just as well”, he yelled back at me from the depths of his corpulence “… just as well the pub down the road, the Mince Pie and Knackers, still sells *Brains beer. All sneaked in through the Severn railway tunnel, of course, since England confiscated it.”

    “They can take away our tries and our freedom, but they’ll never take away our Brains”, he bellowed!

    Feeling oddly reassured, I climbed back into my tank and made my way towards the alien border. The sounds of “Bread of Heaven” and “WAY-ALES” rang from behind every hedge in the Valleys as Mr Dai-ap-‘ard-for-Wales-Again-and-Again-if-necessary disappeared from my sight.

    Only Men Aloud!  – ‘Cwm Rhondda’/’Bread of Heaven’/’Guide me, O thou great Jehovah’ (Last Choir Standing Final – BBC One)

    They WON! As they deserved. The choir members’ consensus seems to be “amazing”. I saw them live recently, and they are.


    Background to Cwm Rhondda (‘Bread of Heaven’/’Guide me, O thy great Jehovah’)

    Btw, I just found this video. Welshmen take a lot of stick for their fondness for sheep. Well, they need to be fond of them. People in Wales are outnumbered by sheep 2/1. This is great fun –


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    3 Responses to “England prevents ship unloading suspect cargo at Swansea. Worldwide opprobrium, and an extra try!”

    1. Stan Says:

      Great stuff, KTBFPM. That Welsh analogy re the Gaza conflict should be used more often. There are so many parallels. Except I don’t think that any Welsh fanatic would blow himself up for the cause in the expectation of consorting with all those virgin maidens on the other side.

      • keeptonyblairforpm Says:

        We’ve got to have a laugh sometimes, Stan. It helps to put things into perspective, hopefully. Not sure if all the readers here will “get” the analogies, though.

        P.S. Stan, ref my thoughts above.

        I KNEW it would be beyond some *ankers, flankers – here’s an example. Thinks he’s clever, but he can’t even understand any of this.

        “…one could plough through the thing for hours without finding a single notion of any relevance to anything in the real world.”

        I suppose those who DO get it don’t need to worry if such antis are the competition for brains, beer or not. It doesn’t exist if this Edinburgher is anything to go by. He’s banned from commenting here because of his foul-mouthed abuse. So he keeps stalking me at his site. And some say I’m obsessed!

    2. Blair is 100% on Israel’s side? Well, yes and no « Tony Blair Says:

      […] a prayer?  – Y BLAIR? – GUDE ME O, THOU GREAT JEHOVAH – as in my earlier post here Britain's former Prime Minister Tony Blair delivers a speech during the Swiss Economic Forum, […]

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