7th June 2010
A TALE OF TWO COUNTRIES
DATE: Some time in the not-too-distant future
(PLEASE NOTE: Any similarities to any organisation, defunct or otherwise is purely imaginary. Nor is any insult intended to the Welsh people or nation. They are amongst the gentlest, kindest people in the British Isles. Apart from that, half my family are Welsh, and they’re all wonderful. Honest!)
Since the regime politicised rugby team now running Wales still refuses to desist from launching missile attacks into England, because of that try the English should never have had, the English government has taken to ensuring that ALL cargo ships heading for the Welsh mainland are searched, international waters or not, and then diverted to Bristol.
Local political activists of the PC brand, including the WRU, the nationalist Plaid Cymru and the Liberal Democrats (the latter now surgically removed from their once allies the Conservatives) bitterly complain that the poor subjugated Welsh people are starving as a result of this sport-inspired embargo.
CHWARAE TEG – FAIR PLAY
“Now, fair play! Right? England is an evil power. Right? The opprobrium of the entire world is on its head after this latest incident where they boarded an Irish peace-and-supplies ship packed with new rugby kit and food and stuff off Milford Haven with the resulting carnage – no, mun, massacre of the troof. What’s more all our kit was lost overboard!”
Dai ap-‘Ard continued,
“It’s all Labour’s fault, especially that Blair man. If they hadn’t allowed devolution in the first place we’d have struggled along nicely thank you just hating England at rugby internationals. Instead, what have we got? I mean, it’s not as though there wasn’t an example for this kind of democratic deficiency. Look what happened in the long-forgotten Israel and Gaza conflict when Hamas played its part in the democratic mix after they’d taken over from the other team illegally.”
“If they hadn’t given us devolution…”, Mr Dai-‘Ard paused to re-consider his words, then continued, “We, er, we’d have scored another try, wouldn’t we?
BREAD OF HEAVEN
Mr Dai ap-‘ard-for-Wales rambled on,
“It’s not as though we are against England’s existence. As long as they don’t expect us to be grateful for their protection in times of (spit) war and such. And as long as they don’t keep beating us at rugby. But all is not lost. We have now strengthened our ties to our brothers in the north, usually a good idea. It was unfortunate that the hyste … historically great Scot didn’t succeed in getting that Tony Blair fella into court over that other “illegal” game, even though we threw in a little more of the taxpayers’ cash to help the cause. We’d have sunk Britain then as well as Blair, as Salmond wanted. But, still, Great Scot’s leftovers successors are also fighting against English imperialism, good men they are. When’s the match on at the Millennium Stadium, by the way?”
THEY’LL NEVER TAKE AWAY OUR BRAINS
Mr Dai ap-‘ard-Again-for-Wales then wandered off into the bleak unknown, starving but stoically clutching to his portly frame a carton of *larver bread and a bag of *Welsh cakes.
“Just as well”, he yelled back at me from the depths of his corpulence “… just as well the pub down the road, the Mince Pie and Knackers, still sells *Brains beer. All sneaked in through the Severn railway tunnel, of course, since England confiscated it.”
“They can take away our tries and our freedom, but they’ll never take away our Brains”, he bellowed!
Feeling oddly reassured, I climbed back into my tank and made my way towards the alien border. The sounds of “Bread of Heaven” and “WAY-ALES” rang from behind every hedge in the Valleys as Mr Dai-ap-‘ard-for-Wales-Again-and-Again-if-necessary disappeared from my sight.
Only Men Aloud! – ‘Cwm Rhondda’/’Bread of Heaven’/’Guide me, O thou great Jehovah’ (Last Choir Standing Final – BBC One)
They WON! As they deserved. The choir members’ consensus seems to be “amazing”. I saw them live recently, and they are.
Btw, I just found this video. Welshmen take a lot of stick for their fondness for sheep. Well, they need to be fond of them. People in Wales are outnumbered by sheep 2/1. This is great fun –
Tags: and an extra try, Brains beer, Bread of Heaven, CHWARAE TEG, CIFWatch, Cwm Rhondda, Dai ap-For Wales, Dai from Wales, England Vs Wales, FAIR PLAY, flotilla, Gaza, guide me o thou great jehovah, Hamas, IDF channel, Larver Bread, Last Choir Standing, lava bread, Mavi Marmara, Millennium Stadium, only men aloud allowed video, opprobrium, Rachel Corrie, rugby, Severn railway tunnel, suspect cargo at Swansea, Swansea, tale of two countries, Welsh cakes, Welsh Valleys, worldwide opprobrium, WRU