Daily Mail, sorry… Daily MaUl’s Underground ‘NEWS’ Map

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    18th July 2010

    From Innovations in Newspapers comes this intriguing map. It plots (the operative word) the secret editorial agenda(s) for the “moral underground” journalists at The Daily Mail.

    Is this a new low? Even for the Daily Mail?

    The map, which it seems hangs on a wall at the Daily Mail’s offices, is described as  “The Moral Underground”. Yes, I kid you not. That’s what it’s called.

    You might think it intriguing that the Tube stop named “Mark Thompson” (BBC) is actually Tottenham Court Road and “Helen Mirren” (actress) is Green Park.  But this is easy-peasy target practice when compared to some of the other underground stops which guide the Daily Mail’s thinking.

    For instance – the Westminster stop – mind the gap – has been re-named “Cannabis”.  Elephant & Castle is now “Guardian Readers”, and Morden is now “George Galloway”. Instead of Richmond we now alight at “Etonian Playboys”. And “The Taliban” (West Brompton) comes just before “Student Scum” (Parsons Green) on the District Line ending at  “Binge Britain” (Wimbledon.)

    It is described at the source (h/t Innovations) as –

    “The real and secret editorial ingredients of one of the most successful (and disgusting) newspapers of the world.

    Click here to see the full map. Brilliant!”

    The link through to The Poke here then shows the full-sized map, 2420 × 1551 of this smaller version below of the Daily Mail’s “Moral Underground”

    Recognise it? Yes, it’s the London Tube map RE-NAMED.  Just so DAILY MAUL writers remember their way around the news, the real news and nothing but the news.


    Click to expand

    And some wonder why I call it The Daily MAUL.

    I was surprised at some of the omissions.  For instance there is no ‘EXPENSES SCANDAL’ OR ‘LYING POLITICIANS’. Not even a ‘TONY BLAIR’ stop.  AND THE DAILY MAUL GOES THERE OFTEN ENOUGH.  I imagine they fall into several Station Stops – for instance – ID cards, Americans, Brussels, The Euro, Stately Homes, Greedy Bankers, Hypocrisy, Crime Wave, Illegal, Evil, Fury.

    But if you’re a Londoner you might be wondering what is your local Tube station called now, according to the Daily Maul? If you’re on their Blue (Piccadilly) or Brown lines (Bakerloo) you’re all right. You might be living at some nasty cancer or other illness, but that’s nothing to worry about.

    You could be catching the tube at George Galloway, Wheelie Bins, Single Mothers, Guardian Readers, Greedy Bankers, Queen’s English, Islam, Archbishop Rowan Williams or horror of horrors  – Terry Wogan.

    KEY to LINES a la Daily Mail (with a few samples)

    And on the Brown line – Medical scares.

    On the Red line – Media Scum – There’s Michael Moore/Alan Rusbridger/Dr Rowan Williams/Cheeky girls/Lady Gaga/All the Redgraves/Phil Mitchell/Shami Chakrabarti.

    On the Yellow line – PC Gone Mad – the euro/ID cards/ energy saving bulbs/ wheelie bins/ wind turbines/ speed cameras.

    On the Black Line –  Arch-Enemies – Mohammed Al-Fayed/ foreign nurses/ social workers/ pc brigade/ lesbian teachers/ immigrants/ traffic wardens/ asylum seekers/ benefit cheats/ terrorists/the French/estate agents/ paedophiles/ immigrants/Channel 4/Americans/executives/ Mark Thompson/ the homeless/ George Galloway/pigeons/ gay Mafia/ Guardian readers/single mothers

    On the Blue line – Cancers, illnesses.

    On the Green Line – Nuisances – Islam/prisons/24 hour drinking/Terry Wogan/CTV/ road rage/joyriders/The Taliban/ student scum/ council tax/ eBay/ sex education/ Primark/ binge Britain.

    On the Pink Line – Favourites – stabbings/ Brussels/ Gordon Ramsey/Dignitas/ lawnmowers/ Richard Madeley/stab vests/daffodils/Ascot.

    On the Grey Line – Femails – tasers/Carla Bruni/Sam Cam/ Jemima Khan/Americans/ hose pipe bans/ Nigella Lawson/Ann Robinson/ Fergie/Natasha Kaplinsky/Kirsty Young/Judi Dench.

    On the Purple Line – Rage-o-Meter – Queen’s English/stately homes/ house prices/snoopers/ illegal/ crime wave/hypocrisy/foul-mouthed/evil/ rage/fury/romp/outrage/ sick filth.

    On the Turquoise Line – Obsessions – Violent fugitives/ marriage wreckers/gun-toting farmers/ greedy bankers Asbos/dictators/reality tv stars/ doctors on drugs/ social services/gay bishops

    My most recent London pad was somewhere between Sun beds and Chelsea tractors, as it happens.


    Article at Poke:

    For legal reasons he can only be named as ‘Journalist F’, but today this young member of The Daily Mail’s editorial staff is in hiding as threats and invective continue to spew from Paul Dacre’s office after their top secret editorial formula was leaked to the press. Journalist F, rumoured to be less than five years in the job, somehow gained access to Dacre’s high-security office, known in journalistic circles as ‘Fortress Britain’, and saw the secret formula tacked to the wall. Shocked by its similarity to a public transport system so often maligned within The Daily Mail’s own pages, he rolled it up, put it under his jacket and walked out of his job into a media firestorm.

    “He’ll never work in this town again,” promised Jan Moir today, “We all know who it is and even if he becomes bisexual, moves to Hackney and smokes a pipe, he won’t even be able to get a job on The Guardian. He won’t get that far down the street. We have eyes, you hear me? Eyes!”

    Speculation that The Daily Mail’s success was down to a top secret formula started in the late eighties, but it was dismissed as Fleet Street legend along with the real parentage of the Hitchens brothers and that thing Una Stubbs is into. Though such explicit mapping of the newspaper’s friends and enemies have set tongues wagging, the main surprise seems to have been the bizarre use of the underground system. Reports that The Daily Star’s secret formula is based on the number 10 bus route remain unconfirmed.

    Want to buy the poster? email us at pokehq@gmail.com



    Since it seems that London’s Underground Map is seen as far game for re-naming, I hardly expect that the Daily Mail will take an exception to my altering ever so slightly their logo.

    SO NOW WE ALL KNOW HOW THE MAIL FINDS ITS NEWS. Grab half a dozen key words, throw them up in tha air, see who and what they stick to –  and get on with it.

    MAUL away, to your little heart’s content.

    And the press say politicians spin.

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    9 Responses to “Daily Mail, sorry… Daily MaUl’s Underground ‘NEWS’ Map”

    1. Daily Mail, sorry… Daily MaUl’s Underground ‘NEWS’ Map « Tony Blair Says:

      […] At least you don’t catch the tube at George Galloway, Wheelie Bins, single mothers, Guardian Readers, Greedy Bankers, Queen’s English, Islam, Archbishop Rowan Williams or horror of horrors – Terry Wogan. KEY to LINES a la Daily Mail …https://keeptonyblairforpm.wordpress.com/20… 

    2. All set for more ‘Blixing it’ at the Iraq Inquiry? « Tony Blair Says:

      […] Daily Mail, sorry… Daily MaUl’s Underground ‘NEWS’ Map […]

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