Labour Party – Wikipedia Entry, 2050
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26th April, 2008
I wrote this little bit of, hopefully, fantasy, as part of this post – Death of glue-less, clueless Labour? And Wiki entry 2050. Since it seems to be getting its own searches I thought I should give it its own little space.
Let’s hope it won’t come to this.
The Labour Party was founded in 1900 and disbanded in 2011 after its defeat at the general election of the previous year caused internecine warfare between Blairites, Brownite cohorts and the Old resurgent Left. Its position as an ongoing force was fatally compromised by the narrow Conservative win under David Cameron. Cameron was then forced by the third party, the Liberal Democrats, to accept proportional representation in return for their parliamentary support in a hung parliament. A Daily Mail opinion poll suggested that most people would prefer to hang them all, starting with the Liberal Democrats. But the MPs called on the Human Rights Act (still in force at that time) and were spared to fight another day.
SHARIA LAW IN FORMER UK
Since that coalition agreement the Liberal Democrats were part of the ‘British’ government at each ensuing general election until Scotland became independent in 2020, followed by Wales in 2030. Britain is now a leading country in historic terms only, and is governed by Sharia Law, with no democracy or MPs except in name only, to pacify the the sentiments of the few remaining historically attached natives. The Liberal Democrats continued in this fashion, until both they and the Conservatives were defeated by Sheikh Mustav Bin Inevitable in 2040. They then joined forces to pursue the policies of the WhoCaresAboutDemocracyDotCom party – to be found on the NotExactlyFree.internet at YouTubeIfYOuWantTo.co.uk. This modern forward-looking grouping is an amalgation of leftists, anarchists, Islamicists, and Guardian journalists formed in 2010, under the colour- and sex- balanced joint leadership of Simon Jenkins and Shami Chakrabarti, later replaced by shoo-in Oh-Bin Laden, 57th Variety.
When Sharia Law was introduced into what had been the United Kingdom, after 50% + one of the population voted for it, a fatwa was issued by the Old Democrats on that one voter. The spokesman for the ODs, BlairSupporter99, whilst eschewing violence, said, “Whoever finds him or her will be up for a reward of 72 virgins in the afterlife and perhaps one or two in this life. If we can find any over 12.”
HISTORY OF ‘NEW LABOUR’
Under the inspired leadership of A.C.L. Blair, and following Blair’s first victory of three in 1997, for what he described as ‘New Labour’, the party, after 18 years in opposition, had established itself as the ‘natural party of government’. Over the ten years of Mr Blair’s leadership it quickly became the epitome of centrist and forward-looking policies, which the other parties copied unashamedly. Mr Blair was forced to retire from the premiership early, in June 2007, by some in his party said to be led by a BrownBalls coalition of the willing. Only two years into Blair’s third, and historical election victory, the leadership passed in a bloodless coup and without a general election to Gordon Brown. Mr Brown had been the Chancellor of the Exchequer in Blair’s government for an unprecedented ten years and had been considered by many, for a while, as a particularly successful finance minister.
BLAIR CAREER CHANGES / BROWN RETIREMENT
In 2009 Mr Blair took on the leadership of the European Union and a year later influenced and persuaded the then British government, the Conservative/Lib-Dem coalition to join the euro currency members of the EU. This decision had been stopped between 1997 and 2007 by Brown’s infamous ‘five economic tests’ – a device set up by Brown with the express aim of being insurmountable by the much more pro-Europe Blair.
Mr Brown retired in 2010 after two and a half years as Prime Minister and leader of the Labour party, to spend more time with his family and books. They like to visit him regularly in his “retreat” in the Scottish borders, where he is considered safe from marauding Blairites, and the nurses are particularly caring. Mr Blair has recently set up a Foundation Trust in their name – the ‘Carers of the Carers’.
Mr Blair went on to lead the climate change debate and persuaded China and India to participate in measures to hold down Carbon Emissions. Mr Emissions has since been released. Blair also led the Middle East peace settlement of 2014 to conclusion, resulting in a settled democracy in Iraq and Afhganistan as well as peace in Palestine, Israel and Lebanon. He was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 2017.
He turned down the offer of standing for the American presidency in 2018, despite the willingness of the American constitutionalists to re-write their rules specifically for him. He said, “Europe, having banished terrorism, and about to embrace Isamicism, is now the centre of the free world. I wish to continue to offer my support in this arena, whilst keeping close links with our American allies.”
ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT – PROTECTED BY THE WORD OF GOD
Following an assassination attempt in 2019, in which he was shaken but not stirred, Mr Blair turned to God even more than previously, in search of peace, salvation, and more reliable security guards. He has spent most of his active years since then in the search for worldwide religious tolerance, through his Faith Foundation. The would-be assassin, of Lincoln’s Inn, London, a deranged barrister, was sent to Iran for an extended holiday, and ordered to ski uphill and indoors on a dry ski slope, all day every day for life, with not so much as a glass of gluhwein to break the monotony. The implement intended to kill the former PM was a toothpick dipped in polonium. Fortunately, when the assailant lunged the tiny, cherry tipped implement at Mr Blair, the “One-a-Day-For-Allah or God2U&Me” pledge cards he was carrying in his breast pocket saved his life. None of the cards suffered serious damage from the radioactive component. ‘Inshallah/God Be Praised’, said bystanders. Mr Blair’s words were indecipherable, though he was advised against swallowing the cherry.
The miscreant legal would-be assassin’s punishment was considered more severe than the then recently re-introduced death penalty. The ultimate penalty was brought back by the Lib Dem/Tory coalition, following social unrest in 2015, after the re-assessment, re-balancing and reserving for “true believers” only, of the earlier derided Human Rights Act. The routing of the legal establishment, and their weekly re-training sessions at Blair’s Sports Foundation for all upright citizens resulted in the Hanging Judges returning in force.
‘By the people, for the people’, a phrase once used by former British colonialists in the New AmerAsia continent, had become the mantra in the EU election of the previous year. Following the election as MEPs for life of Geert Wilders and Boris Johnson and one or two other blue-eyed blonds, Human Rights were considered surplus to requirements in such company.
POPE IN UNPRECEDENTED CALL
The present Pope, Pope Henrietta, has recently put forward the name of Tony Blair for beatification, after consultation and agreement with the Immans of Caliphate, a suburb of Vatican City, now stretching from Rome to the Netherlands. Unprecedented move from Her Holiness, as he isn’t dead yet.
The present Spin Meistress to the British UnGovernment’s NonPrime Minister, Hadju All, Lady Antoinette Blair, granddaughter of Tony Blair, has greeted the announcement thus:
“My grandfather was a great prime minister”.
Sir Tony himself, aged 97, was recently knighted by King William of East Londonistan, the suburb to which the remaining few dhimmis have been sent to repent, Coventry and Canterbury having being demolished because they started with the letter “C”, which was far too reminiscent of ‘Christianity & Catholicism’.
The former PM, wearing his Tony Blair Sports Foundation t-shirt said, after completing the annual marathon around the periphery of the Olympic Mosque, East Londonistan:
“I hope people will remember me as a good man, and that I tried.”
So that is that. The end.
See the present Wikipedia entry for The Labour Party