Pissed Off? J*s** effing wept at the cursing political *un*s

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KEY:

  • THE PPM = present prime minister
  • THE PREVIOUS= Tony Blair

30th August, 2008

PROFANITIES/ EXPLETIVES and other such pleasantries … read all about it here

Apologies if this is a touch risque … I’m taking the Michael … as politely as is due

Why are they pissed off, Gordon? WHY?

Alistair Darling - "people are pissed off"

Alistair Darling has thrown the mangy bl**dy cat amongst the shi**ing pigeons tonight.

He’s told us that the economic slump could be greater than ever –  since the beginning of time, probab-arsing-ly!

He’s told us that people are pissed of with the government.

No?

Bloody ‘ell. Hadn’t effing noticed that!

He’s told us that the government has failed to get its message across!

And he’s hinted, without actually saying so, that perhaps a word or two of Scottish foul language is swirling around Downing Street.

SO WHY IS IT ALL HAPPENING NOW?

Is the Darling man positioning himself? Distancing himself from the wank** next door? The eejit who has been lost like a little lamb in the Highlands when the love/hate of his life departed and left a hole as big as another 18 years.  A communication hole that not one of them can ever expect to fill?

Alistair Darling’s true thoughts are probably unprintable but here’s a gentle version:

IT’S THE ECONOMY, WANK**

If the PPM thinks he can pass the blame over to me, as today’s chancellor, for the cock-up he handed us after 10 years effing Prudence, he can stuff it!

So he cocky son of the manse was taught to be polite and always remember the names of anyone he was effing, and he did, for a while – Prudence Britain. But he’s forgotten it now!

It was Prudence, not Darling!

And another effing thing …

WHY DIDN’T THE PPM TELL US HE’D BE SO BLOODY USELESS WITHOUT THE PREVIOUS – WHATSISNAME?

And why didn’t whatsisname leave behind an Idiot’s Handbook for Would Be Prime Ministers? SOMEthing, ANYthing to help the PPM come up with a useful phrase now and again. “Just getting on with the job” has been beaten to death!

We never guessed that the PPM couldn’t function without whatsisname to thump/admire/attack/love.

We just never knew it was all so intense! The PPM said he was the one! He certainly effing was!

And another thing …

ITS ALL BALLS ANYWAY

And where is the little runt? Crawled back into the woodwork where he belongs? Hiding, as did his master when THE PREVIOUS needed support? If HE thinks he’s going to make an appearance and astound us with his brilliance when Miliband goes for Brown’s throat, he’d better get in the queue! Right at the back! BEhind his wife. She might come in useful for SOMEthing or other.

And another thing …

MILIBAND? MILIBAND? WHAT’S HE UP TO?

Talking big on Russia and Georgia and palling up with the USA AGAIN!? How many times a day does he ring the PREVIOUS to find out what to do next? Now if HE thinks he’s going to jump over my head, he can get back there with Balls! The party won’t hack it.

AND THE PARTY?

The Party? Rather than rediscovering itself after killing off the PREVIOUS and instating their “hero” it’s collapsing all over the joint! Left or Right? Who effing knows!?

Scotland’s gone nationalist – Wales is moribund – England’s gone for the ‘PREVIOUS MARK ll’,  El Cameroon!

WHY DON’T WE ALL JUST APOLOGISE AND HAND OVER TO THE TORIES, RIGHT NOW! Then we can regroup and come back in 2014, once we get rid of the SNP and work out what we’re for.


A LITTLE ASIDE – TALKING ABOUT SWEARING – AND F**KING FRIENDS

I have known two friends in my life who swore with the poshest voices imaginable, and I found them a joy to listen to, once I’d got over the initial shock. One was a Liverpudlian from a nice family, whose parents sent him to speech therapy for a slight lisp (why is that so difficult to pronounce when you’ve got one – “pardon me I have a thlight lithsp“.)

His cursing style was incomparably high class as a result and a real smile maker. But so polite was he that he frequently shortened words in order to soften their effect – “…king hell” being a favourite. He was known as ‘King Billy’. He also used swearwords to split and spice up the odd word. “You are taking the mich-f**k-ael, dearly be-cu**ing-loved, surely?”

My other cursing friend was a classical musician whose tears rolled relentlessly at any moving piece of Bach or Schubert, even though she played them herself regularly, and beautifuly.

“Je*us Bl**dy Christ”,  she’d pronounce, in immaculate tones, “doesn’t that just get you right here”, she’d moan ecstatically, fist thumping her chest …. “in your  furk**ng SOUL?

Agitated and relaxed at the same time, she seemed in coitus extremism.  I’d nod in agreement, no heart to interrupt her moment, or mention that words moved me more.

It was all so deeply f*rk**ng imPORTant to her. It seemed churlish and unnecessary to puncture her almost orgasmic moment. For a woman they are hard to come by, by some accounts.


NOTE: THE infamous and widely used four letter word seems to have its origins in Scottish English – if not Scandinavian. So, as often before, my dearly beloved English friends, the Scots got there first.

Yes, I hear you utter. And they’ve really *ucked it up this time!




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One Response to “Pissed Off? J*s** effing wept at the cursing political *un*s”

  1. Will ‘Blair’s Babes’ rain on Brown’s conference parade? « Tony Blair Says:

    […] is what I had started to write a couple of weeks ago, with reference to Mr Darling’s thoughts, before it all went […]

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