The Telegraph Apologises to Blair – more or less

Comment at end

13th July, 2008

TELEGRAPH SAYS SORRY – KIND OF …

(OK, off you go and read the Telegraph thing first. But don’t forget to come back to find out about my mysterious malady. You too might have it!)

IGNORE ME – I HAVE ENTRUSTY SYNDROME!

My ‘Entrusty Syndrome’ is actually exacerbated by the once rare but nasty and increasingly virulent ‘PIS***OFF’ condition. (See below for surprising diagnosis of this.) Entrusty is an unusual disease these days, that’s for sure. Finding it pleasurable to see a newspaper apologising to a politician for a mis-speak … er … mis-write can be interpreted as taking the side of the villain of the piece against that old stalwart Common Sense. And we ALL had THAT nourishing imbibement, did we not – with our mothers’ milk? But both conditions go to the heart of our nation’s problems with politics – cynicism. They germinated there. Cynicism was the original bug, against which few antiobiotics have proved effective. No point squeezing some disinfectant gel on your hands before you read the papers in any depth. By the very act of picking up our journalists’ weighty tomes, your brain is almost certainly seriously infected. You hardly need to scour the stuff. And, sadly, the prognosis for most is not good. Resistance is all but useless. To confirm this, I heard on the radio today, the Hutch half of Starsky and Hutch proudly and mirthfully state that he is now, as a fully signed up British citizen, a member of The Moaners Club! (The True Brit, he implied). Couldn’t tell, on radio, if his tongue was firmly planted in his cheek. But, I have news for you, Mr David Soul, I’m a Brit, and it is NOT compulsory to catch THIS nasty, deceptive bug. That’s it, I think I hear you say, Blair Supporter needs to get a life! The thought that politicans generally can be and should be trusted is beyond the pale. Thanks for the sympathy. It’s hard to live with Entrusty, true, but I get by. Though it CAN make one feel rather isolated. The main irritant to this – in fact it rages wildly at the read of an ignorantly scrawled diatribe – is an even longer-standing condition – Press Idle Speculation Speak Ends Daily Order For Folk. Pee’d off to you! This condition results in a dreadful feeling of despair that ordinary people who seem quite well-balanced and, well, normal if you meet them down at the pub, are actually infected by a kind of raging madness when behind a computer with the express aim of downing themselves a politician. They’re practising lunatics, but they haven’t quite realised it yet. Why do I care, you may ask? I’m not even a politician. No, but I know a man, or woman or two who are. I’ve even been known to vote for some of them. And I don’t think they were put in their position with the express aim of providing fodder for the ravenous, bottomless pits of our press’s churning turning stomachs. And talking about food, I go decidedly off mine when the press searches incessantly for a story or some clever twist on an invented story in order to justify their existence. And when they apologise fulsomely – (an ambiguous word with unflattering connotations) – my indigestion gets worse! In case you haven’t been to The Telegraph or couldn’t find the apology, I’ll paste it here:

Let’s put issue into touch

Accuracy, naturally, is Portcullis’s watchword and we were distressed to be taken to task on this issue last week by Tony Blair’s office, at a time when his staff must be busy helping him in his mission to bring peace to the Middle East.

So let’s set the record straight: there is no proof of our claim that the former PM ever claimed to have sat behind the goal to watch his “hero” Jackie Milburn play for Newcastle United – at a time when Mr Blair would have been four or younger.

Here’s hoping that Mr Blair’s staff are now free to return to more important matters.

See what I mean about “fulsome”? Those of us who haven’t got ENTRUSTY or PISSEDOFF (or have the other version of this latter bug, which blinds and deafens), may notice the sarcasm in their apology. In fact you’d have to have Asperger’s Syndrome, not to notice it. (More about THAT below). The words Churlish or Puerile might be usable here. But I haven’t met a Churl or Puer, quite as childish as this.

“Ah, but they DID apologise, Your Honour Of The Court of Libel, did they not?”

Not! In my humble opinion. They added to the CYNICISM which exacerbated the lingering PISSEDOFF symptoms, resulting in a heavy dose of ENTRUSTY. Sickening, isn’t it? And yet The Telegraph didn’t have to do TOO much research to find out that this is an old story. Researched in 2005 by Peter Oborne, who has been attempting for several years to serve up the Blair head on a plate – (nicely dressed for Daily Mail consumption, of course) – The Telegraph should have known that it was a wrong and non-story anyway, proved by listening to radio tapes of Mr Blair’s interview. Still, at least they didn’t accuse Mr Blair of having a psychological condition. This blogger, although he is not the first one, wondered if Mr Brown has Asperger’s Syndrome (here referred to in September 2006, at the time of the coup effort against Blair.) Online, there are many actual lies stated as truths, and many thoughts thrown into the mix for sport, curiosity or just headline grabbing. Perhaps the Telegraph is annoyed because THEY are being held to a higher standard than the everyday blogger who gets away with blatant lying. But of course they as a newspaper are more likely to be able to stump up if sued, compared to your average blogger.

JUST HAD A STRANGE THOUGHT! If Mr Brown IS diagnosed with Asperger’s (and I couldn’t possibly comment) wouldn’t that mean that his election as leader/PM is null and void? And wouldn’t that mean, especially since no-one stood against Gordon, that Mr Blair is STILL the Prime Minister? Well? Wouldn’t it? Anyone found any lost NHS data recently? From Kirkcaldy or Downing Street?


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One Response to “The Telegraph Apologises to Blair – more or less”

  1. Gordon Heathcliff? Dark? Brooding? - But we “felt safe with Blair” « Tony Blair Says:

    […] The Telegraph Apologises to Blair – more or less […]

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