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THIS PAGE IS A LOAD OF LIES
WELL?! … WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?
I don’t know how many times you’re permitted, lawfully, to bury a man, especially when he’s still alive, but after the collapse of the cash-for-honours bit of fun and games, I’ve had a dig around the internet and … they try, they really try!
Although there is some acceptance of the dropping of this Honours ‘case’ amongst those who were fairly sensible from the start, the right-wing rags and little bloggers are at it in force!
It’s clear they’ll only be happy when they read THIS kind of notice.
Obituary
Mr A.C.L. Blair, Former British Prime Minister; Former World Leader; Exile to MoonBase
So, since the object of their communal hatred is clearly dead meat – I thought I’d post this little ‘fun’ obituary (an oxymoron, if ever I wrote one) which I knocked together some time ago at one of the illuminating Guardian Cif pages. You can read the original at Martin Kettle’s article . I wrote it in response to another offering, also available there.
Note: *”See-I-Effers” – individuals who like to stamp their little feet to get noticed while shouting a lot and swearing a touch. They proliferate on the ancient British manuscript, The Guardian (Comment-Is-Free – recent example)
Go here to see where the dreaded event occurred
Obitchewrarry by Dubbya, April 1st, 2476, MoonBase
[Pic below left: Me & my f
riend Tony, White House Press Conference, 17th May, 2007]
Earth people. I’m sending this message straight into your minds cos Tony always said that’s what you’re used to.
Tony Blair checked out today, earth time, twenty after sumpin’ . I’ve lost a true friend. Some say, my ONLY friend.
When the end came it was peaceful, and dignified, and the speech didn’t go on too long. I have to confess I had to wipe away a tear, from his eye.
His last words were, “don’t let the *See-I-Effers get you.”
I told him I’d do my best.
We’ve spent a lotta time up here in MoonLand and did a lotta thinkin’. Well, HE did the thinkin’.
Anyways, since time was kinda standing still for Tony, and he’d gotten tired of reversion therapy, he decided it was time to go in search of The Big One.
“Just one more little challenge”, he said. He was always up for the next challenge.
What a guy!
I’m not too happy about it, as he could have supported me a little longer. Nobody needs to do the mortal thing these days, unless they’re sure they got somewhere better to go. Guess Tony must have had that in mind. Man, he was a destiny man!
But he promised me that if he can’t find The Almighty, he’ll be straight back.
When they first sent us up here, things didn’t look so good. We’d mussed up a bit on earth, they said, and this was the safest place for us.
Luckily they’d sent all the intellectuals with us – well, those who didn’t want to hang us next to that Saddam guy. So it didn’t take long for us to perfect the art of non-tactile procreation. Our wives would have hitched a lift and killed us if we’d tried any funny stuff.
For a couple of decades all the kids were boys, because we couldn’t get our brains into this feminine way of thinking. We worked it out when Polly Toynbee and David Cameron got it together on the inter-intercourse-internet. That was the clincher. You need to think ‘love, caring and caravans’. Then it all works out just great. We had lots of little girls then.
Shame they look just like us!
At the MoonBase Center for Inter-World Comprehensibility, Connectivity and Fromage Frais, our scientists worked out that a combination of chemicals with Tony’s sweat meant that we could control time. That’s why he looks about 35 earth years now, as you can see on your front centergerbil tangent. He was actually 523 moontime at checkout and I’m a few echells older. Or is that younger? Can’t remember whether I’m in reverse mode or not at this time. Tony was always good at this. Knew which way he was going.
How the HELL am I gonna manage without him?!
I know the earth court gave us a pardon after 248 years so we could return and see how much people trusted their politicians when they realised that we weren’t as evil as they’d thought. But, to be frank, we just couldn’t tear ourselves away from the lifestyle here. And keeping Tony’s moon-to-earth climate pipeline in order is a full time job.
The kids help out with that.
I am so proud of all of them.
Tony’s 10,000,000 are bright, of course, and mine are handy with a screwdriver.
Last time we looked at your little place it seems the ozone hole has closed and its climate’s now carbon-neutral, whatever that means. Tony did a good job fixin’ that globural heatin’ problem before they shipped us up here. You’d think they’d have let us off after he’d saved the world an’ all.
God, I’m gonna miss that guy.
We heard through the inter-internet that the earth world’s now divided up into three chunks – the Goodies, the Baddies and the See-I-Effers. Could never quite get a handle on the See-I-Effers. Tony said they’re only happy when they’re complaining. That must be an earth trait. None of our moonlings are like that. I guess it’s cos Tony’s are like him, ever optimistic, and mine just like shootin’.
I’m sure gonna miss him. Did I tell ya that?
But when I look at all his kids, how can I forget him?
Which reminds me, can one of you send me back a brain-to-brain signal about the situation in the Mid-East? I’ve been real worried about it. I hear they’ve run out of moose in Kentucky. And someone told me Ohio’s gone democrat. S**t!
I’ll close now with a message I just received telepathetically from your earthworld government. I know the Europhillies missed the boat when they wouldn’t listen to Tony about geo-politics and stuff, but geez, your new guys sure make my English look real good.
In Memoriorium to Tony; my friend.
George Dubbya Bush (former President, former USA)
MESSAGE FROM YOUR WORLD GOVERNMENT
如果托尼・布萊爾回歸毀壞! 毀壞! 毀壞! 一次不是足够。
奉世界政府命令
Translated from the Chinese as:
“If Tony Blair returns DESTROY! DESTROY! DESTROY! Once is not enough.”
By Order of the World Government (and all honoulabril See-I-Effers)
___________________________________________
P.S. 我们不再盼望托尼・布莱尔的下次大竞选
“We are no ronger rooking fowad to Tony Brair’s next big erection”
P.P.S. 感恩的由于高尚的Alastair坎伯，所有参考字体
[With glatefrul thanks, for the above “P.S”, to the honoulabril Arastair Campbell, the font of all ‘efelence]
Watch Alastair Campbell Videos on his time working with Tony Blair.
© July 2007 BlairSupporter
Tags: 1. Tony Blair, alastair campbell, exiles, George Bush, George Dubbya, George W Bush, mock obituary, moon, The Blair Years, Tony Blair obituary
Tony Blair 
November 24, 2007 at 1:47 pm |
My dear Anthony Lynton Blair,
“If speech is silver,silence is gold” is very relevant on today’s technologiocal world where everything is computerised and humans are getting treated as mechanical robots with no real worth as humans.
The solutions we seek in silence have more deeper influence and speak volumes of our own real worth and value as humans.It is not the dead silence but the emotionally rich silence that we are positive in our outlook towards life and grow towards the Infinite of Infinite care which I send to you from my emotional heart.
It is in your own dignified and honorable self you will find solutions for Middle East problems and I am certain your maturity in seeking the solutions for them will build you as the best person for the job and International stature.
Regards,
Gurpreet Kaur Sidana,
GPS, Jyoti.
November 24, 2007 at 2:05 pm |
My dear Blair,
In continuation with my previous comment I am to add that your wise mind will resolve Middle East matters,in particular the Palestinian problem, with more firm resolves than had happened at earlier initiatives. So long humans know you are going for their welfare and won’t harm they respond positively. It is the trust they will have on you knowing you respect their problems and are ready to become of that to resolve them.
The Arab culture is more towards the conservative society and we should not hurt this emotion of theirs.Let their governements move more toward the democratic style as these nations had mostly had Sheikhs and Shahs and the money that exchange hands, not the open democratic style. It is only when these people will know their cultures will get protected will they move more towards you and feel protected,co-operate with you in resolving their long outstanding problems for which they need the West and your assistance.
Regards,
Gurpreet Kaur Sidana,
GPS, Jyoti.
November 26, 2007 at 5:49 pm |
Dear Gurpreet Sidana,
Thank you so much for your wise words. I hope we are not investing too much in Mr Blair’s ability. He is only human after all. But I too cannot see anyone else in this world today with the right communication and negotiating skills, the experience in the Middle East, and the ear of many right across the world.
I think he is a good man who is driven to help. When he first came to power, before Iraq & Afghanistan he said that the MEPP was the biggest issue to be dealt with appertaining to a peaceful Middle East. I’m sure he was right in that. He has now persuaded President Bush and others who were initially reluctant.
We can only hope that some progress will be made in the next few days in Annapolis, though I note there is little hope, according to the press, despite 40 countries attending.
I too hope that Mr Blair will manage to bring people together and help them understand one another’s positions.
Another Iraqi commenting here on his own country, which he has now left, said that the lack of democratic history is the problem.
January 21, 2009 at 11:09 am |
[…] Another bit of fun and games – Tony Blair Obituary, by Dubbya […]